Long Awkward Pause

Christopher De Voss. Nice guy who writes some pretty cool stories and makes me laugh with his blog. I’m a fan since June of 2012.

Are you wondering why I’m mentioning him, when I’m supposed to be yammering about Adam Sendek? (Baseball bet. I lose. Talk about Adam for a week.)

Because Christopher started a new humor blog last July, and I want to highlight it today. It’s Long Awkward Pause, and it’s billed as a Humor Mag of Sorts…  “This is a humor magazine devoted to answering your questions or writing on the topics you, our dear readers would like to read.”

They have a very cool feature, TALK TO US HERE, where you can make requests (or leave comments or complaints or just say hi). Fill out the form, and voilà, one of their writers will cover your request in a post.

I was delighted to see that my favorite adorable chimp who shaves his head, Monk Monkey, is also a contributor to the blog. He and I go way back to last year. We even send emails to each other. (Hello, you cute little primate!)

I know Mike Calahan a wee bit. He’s not a complete stranger to me, but I must admit, I don’t know the other writers. I hope as I have more time in the coming year, I’ll be able to read their work and get to know them, too.

Oh wait.

I know one more person who contributes to Long Awkward Pause. Are you ready for this?

Adam Sendek. Yep! He’s a contributor, and Christopher recently mentioned he was instrumental in the new look of the website. Nice job, Adam!

I asked Adam to write a few words about Long Awkward Pause. So without further ado, here is Chowderhead himself:

LAP is a collaborative comedy team put together by Chris “The Boss” De Voss.  If I were to create a simile for it, LAP is like a monster truck that is being recklessly driven around a mall parking lot on a busy shopping day, destroying mini vans and running over pedestrians walking small dogs.

It’s Chris’s brainchild. I only take orders.  After taking his orders, I usually request new ones, or else edit them until they barely resemble the original orders, and then I order Chris to carry out those orders.  In other words, Chris doesn’t really do much except take orders from me.

The Boss comes to me daily with these grandiose ideas, and then projectile spews them all over the place without really thinking about the cost and implementation end of any of it.  That’s where I come in.  I’m a staff writer first and foremost, but secondarily, I also serve as a consultant to the CEO.

To give you an idea of the typical dynamic, here’s an excerpt taken from a conversation we had last month:

Chris:  hey, I need to ask a favor.
Chowder:  Shoot.
Chris:  I just bought us a blimp, and I need you to call around town and find me a graphic artist that can draw our logo on it.
Chowder:  Whoa whoa whoa, wait a minute…you bought a what?
Chris:  A blimp.  You know, like a hot air balloon, but with propellers.
Chowder:  I know what a blimp is.  How much exactly did you pay for this thing?

Chris:  I bought it off of some guy on Craigslist for $250k.
Chowder:  *spits out coffee*  What!!!
Chris:  Every other blimp I found online started off at $300k.
Chowder:  Would you mind opening up that window?  I’m feeling extremely lightheaded at the moment.
Chris:  Sure.  *opens window*
Chowder:  We have to be a little bit more frugal about our spending.  We’re now officially $250k over budget, and it’s only the 2^nd of the month.

Chris:  I saved 50k on it.  It was a steal!

Chowder:  How did you even pay for this thing, and where exactly do you plan on storing it?
Chris:  I took out a business loan, and my mom said I could keep it in her backyard until we can afford a hangar for it.
Chowder:  Does your mom live on a football field?
Chris:  Condo.
Chowder:  Jesus Christ.  Ok look, I’m gonna need you to call around town and find out if anybody wants to buy a blimp.

Chris:  Right.  You want another coffee while I’m out?
Chowder:  No, but pick up some Rum and a couple of cokes.  I think there’s a few bucks left in the petty cash jar.  And don’t tell Calahan that we have a petty cash jar.
Chris:  Great.  I’ll report back at lunch.
Chowder:  *shakes head*

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Long Awkward Pause is constantly evolving and expanding its concept and brand.  This month we’re excited to welcome in our brand new podcast team – Joe Jewett and Jack De Voss – and our newest staff writer, Aussa Lorens of the website Hacker Ninja Hooker Spy.

Here’s the current lineup under the current format:
BrainRants:  Rantology 101 – Rant Column
Blogdramedy:  That’s Entertainment!  – A Satirical look inside the Entertainment Industry
Mike Calahan:  From the Moderately Cluttered Desks of Mike Calahan – Spoof Journalism
Aussa Loren:  Hacker Ninja Hooker Spy – Espionage Parody
Chris De Voss:  On a Side Note – Funny, Satirical Interviews
Chowderhead:  On this Day in Pop Culture History – Insignificant Pop Culture Events
Justin Gawel:  Confessions of an Adult Child – What it sounds like
Omawarisan:  So Anyways – Random Funny Thoughts
Monk Monkey:  The Comedic Scriptures of a Funky Monk Monkey – Anecdotes by a Religious Monkey
Cordelia:  Culinary Clutz-Ups – Food that belongs on the “Ban List”
John Atkinson:  Original Web Comics
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For more Long Awkward Pause, visit us at www.longawkwardpause.wordpress.com