A Civil Divorce

Civility during a divorce may be more common than I think, but it’s been my experience (through others) there is usually some contention before it’s over.

Several weeks ago, I began keeping a grateful journal. It felt like there were so many things going wrong in my life, I wanted to force myself to focus on the good things. Day after day, some things repeated themselves, and one of them was how grateful I was to Rich for his understanding – especially when I told him I was leaving – and for his compassion and kindness since.

Oh, I’m not saying there wasn’t some trauma in the first few weeks of discussion, or sadness still, but we have made some measure of peace with the details, and we are moving forward.

We aren’t even going the “divorce” route. We are in agreement with everything, so we have filed for a dissolution, which will go much quicker. I’ll still be here for a short while. My new living quarters are being remodeled, and I won’t be able to move in until the end of this month. That might be a blog post in itself.

Our son has asked how we can laugh so much if we are getting divorced. Probably because we both still act like we’re twelve years old, and laughter is better than tears. Plus, we’ve been friends throughout our entire marriage, and we are still friends. I suspect we will continue to be when I leave. I’m only moving ten blocks away, and Rich has promised to continue to be my beautician (he cuts my hair; I just bought new scissors for him). In return, I’m considering cooking a killer meal for these guys every now and then. They will miss my cooking.

These walks I’ve been taking in my effort to exercise more? Rich goes with me. He doesn’t want me to have a heart event or trip and fall. Someone needs to be there to call 911 or drag my butt up off the pavement if need be.

He recently spent a considerable amount of time struggling with setting up my new computer and my multiple email accounts. It was an ugly job, especially since I couldn’t remember logins or passwords. When he was finally finished many hours later, and everything worked perfectly, I told him, “Even though I’m leaving you, when it comes to computers, you are still my hero.”

You may ask – if everything is going so well, why break up? Well, there are still irreconcilable differences. Some things simply cannot be overcome.

Rather than to have sympathy for us, I think it’s best to wish us well as we move into our new lives.

I am grateful for civility.

19 thoughts on “A Civil Divorce

  1. My ex-husband and I had a very civil dissolution. We needed some space after the divorce (I needed to process everything and it’s taken me years), but now we are back to being friends. Through it all, we co-parented very well. Civility is good for everyone.

    • It’s nice to see you, Juliann. I’m glad things worked out well for you. I am ever so grateful for the friendship first – which brought about the civility. I think I’ve even been able to get Rich to see that his life may be richer in the future. Time will tell.

  2. I’m so sorry we’ve lost touch and we’ve reconnected just as you’re going through such a momentous change, Maddie, but you’re strong and magnificent so you’re going to be fine.

    And you’re right, civility rocks.

  3. Wishing you all the best. When my parents split there was a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes but they tried hard for us. It ended up being a lot less… frightening? And now I’m older I’ve come to appreciate how difficult that probably was. But they shared a lot of things that made it easier, like their love for us. I’m glad to hear that it’s at least proceeding in a better way than what it could have otherwise been.

  4. Having a civil divorce is the way to go if at all possible. The other way is way too messy! I’ve seen both and believe me the civil way is the way to be. It’s not always possible. I’m raising my cup of coffee in salute to you! May you always be blessed with peace in trying times! Sending you love and light my friend! ❤

    • Hi Jackie! It’s been a crazy couple of days here. I’ll be in touch soon. I know you’ve seen a lot in your life. I’m so grateful this has not been ugly. Thank you for all your kind words. You know I love you!!

  5. I’m sorry but glad you are friends. My first divorce was messy but we are friends in the end. He even likes my hubby and I get along with the girls he has dated except his exwife after me. drama to the core. My parents didn’t get along it was a sad mess. I am the kind of person to be kind maybe because my parents and families didn’t. Kind is the way to go. hugs to you both.

    • Thank you, Julia. You are sweet. I’m glad to hear you are friends with your ex. Kind is definitely the way to go. I also want to show mercy as much as possible to others, because I want mercy for myself. Thanks for the hugs!

    • Oh wow! A blast from the past. 🙂 So good to see you, Guap! I’m thrilled you stopped in. And yes, we do both got this. Rich and his brother-in-law are moving me this coming Tuesday, and we are having a pizza party to boot. I suspect, at least for a while, we’ll be running back and forth between residences until we are both settled in with the changes.

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