Civility during a divorce may be more common than I think, but it’s been my experience (through others) there is usually some contention before it’s over.
Several weeks ago, I began keeping a grateful journal. It felt like there were so many things going wrong in my life, I wanted to force myself to focus on the good things. Day after day, some things repeated themselves, and one of them was how grateful I was to Rich for his understanding – especially when I told him I was leaving – and for his compassion and kindness since.
Oh, I’m not saying there wasn’t some trauma in the first few weeks of discussion, or sadness still, but we have made some measure of peace with the details, and we are moving forward.
We aren’t even going the “divorce” route. We are in agreement with everything, so we have filed for a dissolution, which will go much quicker. I’ll still be here for a short while. My new living quarters are being remodeled, and I won’t be able to move in until the end of this month. That might be a blog post in itself.
Our son has asked how we can laugh so much if we are getting divorced. Probably because we both still act like we’re twelve years old, and laughter is better than tears. Plus, we’ve been friends throughout our entire marriage, and we are still friends. I suspect we will continue to be when I leave. I’m only moving ten blocks away, and Rich has promised to continue to be my beautician (he cuts my hair; I just bought new scissors for him). In return, I’m considering cooking a killer meal for these guys every now and then. They will miss my cooking.
These walks I’ve been taking in my effort to exercise more? Rich goes with me. He doesn’t want me to have a heart event or trip and fall. Someone needs to be there to call 911 or drag my butt up off the pavement if need be.
He recently spent a considerable amount of time struggling with setting up my new computer and my multiple email accounts. It was an ugly job, especially since I couldn’t remember logins or passwords. When he was finally finished many hours later, and everything worked perfectly, I told him, “Even though I’m leaving you, when it comes to computers, you are still my hero.”
You may ask – if everything is going so well, why break up? Well, there are still irreconcilable differences. Some things simply cannot be overcome.
Rather than to have sympathy for us, I think it’s best to wish us well as we move into our new lives.
I am grateful for civility.