I came downstairs last Sunday morning, and Rich was watching United States of Bacon on Discovery Channel. People were eating 5-ounce chunks of thick, hickory-smoked bacon-on-a-stick, and my husband was drooling.
“Honey,” he said. “I swear this is just like watching porn.”
Not that he watches porn.
I laughed, shook my head, and asked him what was the deal with men and bacon? Women like bacon, but they don’t turn into idiots when it’s on television, or when they’re cooking it, or even when they see it in the grocery store. Bacon awakens something deep inside of men.
He recently did some computer work for a friend. It took a couple of trips and several hours to complete the work. HE TOOK PAYMENT FOR HIS SERVICES IN BACON. Seven pounds to be exact.
We’ve joked about bacon here before, and some of you may remember his bacon poem. He wrote it for me to enter into another blogger’s poetry contest, but I refused:
Slice it, smoke it, fry it up quick.
Make sure it’s done, or it might make you sick.
Splattering grease burn, it looks like a freckle.
An apron protects you, especially your schmekel.
(Yes, we’re really twelve years old, and the poem still makes me laugh.)
When I make potato soup, he wants bacon in it. Fried cabbage? Only with bacon. Bacon on pizza. Bacon-wrapped steaks. Bacon on baked chicken. Bacon on burgers. Bacon in baked beans. Bacon and eggs, of course. It never ends, and just the smell of it as it cooks reduces him to the grinning village idiot.
A 2009 study in Britain showed men to prefer the smell of bacon over babies. Why am I not surprised? When I told this to Rich, he replied, “Well, that makes sense.”
Bacon is addictive. Per wikipedia: bacon possesses six ingredient types of umami, which elicits an addictive neurochemical response. … “the chain lards on bacon” create a one-of-a-kind product that has no taste substitute.
You can’t help it if you love bacon: “Bacon makes you feel happy, satisfied, blissful, which greatly reduces stress in our lives and effectively relieves the negative effects of frustration, self deprivation and sense of lack in ones existence.” Bacon is nature’s candy.
I’ll close with some final thoughts from my husband:
– Bacon is like fine wine, except you fry it.
– There is nothing better than bacon and eggs – minus the eggs.
– There is no proper way to prepare bacon. Whether it’s almost burnt, or fried just enough, it’s perfect every time.
– Kevin is one of the luckiest guys on earth!
– Just because there are no bacon paintings by van Gogh doesn’t mean he didn’t paint one.
– Did you know that no matter what you type into Google Images after the word bacon, you will get legitimate results? From bacon automobiles to bacon zombies, you’ll get real bacon results. Try it. Do you love bacon? When was the last time you ate bacon? What’s your favorite way to eat bacon?