Yes, I know we need them. Yes, I know how to use one. Yes, I’ve hugged a few in my lifetime. But that doesn’t mean I have to like them.
I’ve mentioned before that we live in a century home. That means it’s over 100 years old, and the plumbing is probably original to the house. When we bought the house, it came with two evil toilets.
The upstairs toilet was the worse. Oh, it had us fooled with its pretty blue color, but I eventually caught on. You didn’t dare get up and go in the dark in the middle of the night, or the seat would be mysteriously up, and you’d take a water plunge. No one in this house leaves the seat up. No one. It was the evil toilet slipping its seat up in the night.
Then it took a lean. Literally. There is wallpaper in the bathroom with a tiny flower pattern in straight rows. The back of the toilet was lined up perfectly with a row of flowers. One day I noticed the toilet was a little lower than the flowers on the right side. Over the course of a year, the toilet leaned more and more until it was two rows of flowers lower on the right side than the left. You had to sit sideways to use it.
Thank goodness my husband is a man who can do anything … when he’s good and ready. The evil toilet was removed, floor boards replaced, and a brand spanking new white model that could flush a sweater arrived. It has a magical seat that closes hydraulically in an ever-so-quiet motion. No more catching the back of your pajamas on the seat and having it bang in the middle of the night.
However, the evil spirit from the upstairs toilet moved into the downstairs toilet. Go ahead, give it a flush. Works perfectly, doesn’t it? That’s what it wants you to think. The next guy who goes in there and flushes runs the risk of the toilet overflowing. The second guy must always be prepared to be the plunger guy. Run the washing machine? Oh yeah, the downstairs toilet has a fit, and the water does freaky things and sometimes looks like it’s boiling. Go back in there and flush it again just for kicks. The kitchen sink gurgles. That’s cute.
Want to come to our house to visit? We’d love to have you, but if you have to use the toilet, please run down the street to the McDonald’s.
Hubby and I were lying in bed the other night. It was that really quiet time just before you drop off to sleep. But then there was a noise that was killing me. I had to get up, close the bathroom door, and turn on a fan in the bedroom so there would be ambient noise to drown out the offending noise.
The faucet in the bathtub was dripping.
Even though I hate toilets, I have done my part today to promote awareness for all of the people in the world who don’t have toilets.
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We have no idea. It never happens.
My blog is rated PG. Add your own love/hate toilet story … or add some toilet humor!