I’m finally finished with the editing for my newest book, Big Easy Hunter.
I think the occasion calls for an interview to promote the book. There weren’t any good interviewers around, so I had to go with who was available, and he
asked begged to remain anonymous.
Q. Oh, come on. Is the editing really finished?
A. It’s as finished as it’s going to be.
Q. Let the betting pool begin! How many days will elapse before she republishes the book because of errors?
A. Smartass. I’m expecting there will be no republishing of Big Easy Hunter.
Q. Did you get rid of all 144 exclamation points?
A. Well … not really.
Q. How many did you keep?
A. (gulp) 101
Q. You’re kidding! Oh my gosh! How could you keep 101?!!
A. My characters are easily excited – like you, obviously.
Q. Is someone wearing a hat and following her in this book, too? What is it with you and hats?
A. Hats are back in fashion. Don’t you watch television? That sexy Matt Bomer on White Collar looks really great in a hat. And, no, there’s no one following Susan in this book. She turns the tables and follows someone else for a change.
Q. In one of your whiny blog posts, you said this book had two beginnings, one middle, and two ends. How can you possibly justify or even explain that? Who does that?
A. It’s easy, and it makes perfect sense. After the opening make-out scene, the reader soon learns there is a rapist over by the mall. If that isn’t enough excitement for you, Susan has been spotted breaking into houses in the middle of the night. That’s a pretty good beginning, wouldn’t you say?
Q. Middle. What’s the middle?
A. Well, we have to leave the beginning, because Susan goes to New Orleans to attend a wedding. There isn’t a middle yet, because we need another beginning.
Q. Maddie, you’re embarrassing yourself.
A. No. Pay attention. This works. Susan can’t help herself. She does something that sets into motion a whole heap of trouble for her while she’s in New Orleans. That’s the second beginning! She does something with a dog in some bushes, and –
Q. Stop! Aren’t your books supposed to be rated G. Or maybe PG?
A. You’re a bit pervy, aren’t you? The dog steals things from the house, and he shows them to Susan. What she does next is the beginning. See? We have a new mystery here in New Orleans. That’s three great mysteries in one book. Pretty clever, huh?
Q. Middle. Is there a middle somewhere in this book?
A. Well, if the middle is supposed to be the action, then what happens in New Orleans is the middle. There’s a lot of action – Susan steals something, there are threats, there’s an explosion, an abduction, lots of knives –
Q. Ok, we get the picture. End? Is there an end to this?
A. Of course. The first ending is in New Orleans. There’s a great climax in a cemetery, and Mick is there, and there is crying … and it’s really good.
Q. After that?
A. After that, she goes back home and has an ending to the mysteries there.
Q. But the story at home has to have a middle. What’s the middle?
A. I told you. There is no middle. Everything happens off camera until the second ending.
Q. Oh my gosh! This is painful. What’s the second ending?
A. I can’t tell you. But my dearly departed dead dog is in the ending. Only he’s not dead in the book. He’s alive. And he belongs to a neighbor. He’s part of the climax, and next week, for $2.99 at Amazon.com, you can find out what he does that’s so great.
Q. I can’t take any more. I’m done. I have to ask the obligatory final question. Will there be another Susan Hunter book?
A. Oh, you bet! Susan and Darby are headed to Chicago to compete in a cooking competition. The book will be titled, Windy City Hunter. I haven’t figured out yet how many beginnings, middles, and endings to have.
Q. I’m exhausted. Don’t call me when you’re done writing that one. Find someone else for your interview.
A. Ok. Toodles!!