I Adore My Husband (Part Three)

smoochesHappy Valentine’s Day!

This is the perfect day for the next installment of I Adore My Husband.

In Part One, I told how my husband is usually the adult in this relationship, and in Part Two, I shared how fantastic he is as a person. However, when it comes to our banter back and forth via email and text, there is little maturity from either of us, and we are many times out of control. He makes me laugh every day.

Without further ado, here are the sweet and loving comments that have come to me via email or text from my husband over the past few months. Notes in parenthesis are mine.

The morning greeting is always tender:

Good morning, sweetie pie. Happy November!

What time did you roll out of bed?

I hope you slept well last night.  You were making noises like a caged gorilla.

Sometimes there are comments about our Dr. Mario marathons:

I hope you got some good rest last night.  You should be sleeping quite well lately since you are going to bed the victor every night.

Christmas brought some fun notes:

I’m bringing home an imported bottle of gin and some chocolate.

I had a bite of chocolate today that cost $250k per pound.

There’s a box of meat on our porch!

Of course, there are food related notes:

I just had some pizza, chicken and jo jo’s, a coke, and a lap dance from a midget stripper.  What an awesome Friday.

No more Healthy Choice Chicken Florence and the Machine for me!  Yech.

I’ll make something special for us to snack on tonight.  Pickled heart, tongue, jerky… something.

I’m telling you, that darn stuffed cabbage and taters are the cat’s ass for lunches.  250 calories, 50 fat calories, protein AND carbs all in a lovely little package.  I darn near licked the dish out.

I put two piles of M&M’s on my desk; a pile for you and a pile for me.green_m&ms1  I’d eat some out of my pile, then eat some out of your pile then wash it down with a slug of coffee and a slug of Coke. You should have no cravings now.

He gets bored on the way home from work:

Who’s your daddy? That’s right, I AM you boiling cauldron of passion you!
(Followed immediately by):  Oops, wrong number. So sorry.

There’s an accident on 77 North, north of Rt 62, which has traffic backed up to the hospital. There’s one accident on the West side of 62 right at the 77 on ramp, and also an accident on the West side around the 30th street area.  What.The.Hell.  Roads are dry; no black ice, no nothing.  People are just insane!  Like how I used the word “just” there?

When we up in the club, all eyes on us.  (♫ ♪ ♫)

Texts from the den to my office – in the same house:

Wanna watch some Family Guy?
Wanna go upstairs and play Family Guy?
Wanna play Dr?
Wanna play any Nintendo?

You ready to vote and then come home and have a nice romantic Cheerios supper?

Image

Johnny Depp doesn’t always go to the Grammys, but when he does, he drinks Dos Equis.

Our son drives a 1984 Chevy Caprice. It needed new tires. Rich traded cars with him in anticipation of a snow storm:

I survived another ride in the pimp mobile this morning.  We thought he had girls hanging all over him because he’s a young and good-looking kid.  Boy have we been wrong!  There are still ladies outside around the car waiting to see if the driver is going to come back out any time soon.

Of course, I never tell you the things I say to him, but I’ve received these responses to a few of my texts:

I’m filing harassment charges. You’re making me uncomfortable.

You need to straighten up or I’ll be forced to put you in a home.

We were trying to determine my next hair color:

ImageHow about a really dark red?  In a French maid’s uniform with a skirt that just stops one inch below your butt.

I’m thinking you should try coal black. That would be very sexy against your fair skin.

There are random thoughts:

I bit my cheek yesterday. Bit it two more times today. Ouch.

Now that I know my vacation is officially official, I’m excited.  I think we need to fix the shower.

I used acetone to remove lines off of my white board in my office and I feel like I’ve had a beer or two.  It’s an early Super Bowl Celebration!

He still gives me a hard time about my perceived boyfriends:

Oh, I see how it is.  All your boyfriends on your blog must be busy, so now you have time for me.  Well sissy, I suggest going elsewhere.  — (I waited until very late in the day to respond to his morning email.)

Well, well, well, if you aren’t super talkative today.  Must be lip-locked with the neighbor again. — (I never responded to any of his emails on this day.)

I didn’t get cigars today and haven’t had any since this morning.  I’m ready to kill somebody.  As soon as I get home, I’m walking over to Bill’s house and punching him in the face.

Of course, his closings are always sweet:Image

I love you sweetie pah-tootie.  I hope you have a good day.

I love you, and I know you look beautiful today!

Huggs ‘n smooches!

Hugs and smooches to all of my blogger friends, too!! Happy Valentine’s Day!!