After taking a break for several weeks, I’m ready to start writing again. If I’m diligent, I might be able to have my fifth book published just after Thanksgiving. It has a Christmas theme, and I would love to have it out for Christmas.
I’ve rewritten the first two paragraphs five or six times already, but this is what I have now. My books are first person POV, but I’m going to start my new book a bit differently. Here are the first six sentences of Windy City Hunter:
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Detective Bentley’s blood pressure was on the rise as he sat down hard on the cold steel bench in the police station. Chicago was the last place he wanted to be two weeks before Christmas. He had no clout here, and his demands for answers had only served to further aggravate the officers on duty. Six hours had passed, and he still didn’t know where Susan and Darby were being held. Worse, he didn’t know which one of them was being charged with murder.
He rubbed his temples in an effort to alleviate the throbbing.
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Pick any six sentences from your writing, whether a work-in-progress or a published work, and post them to your blog on Sunday.
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Breezy Books 
It sounds dorky, but I love emotional sitting. It’s a nice effect, and it’s something people do too, let their mood show in their actions. May I suggest “dropped” instead of “sat down hard”? It’s got a bit more of a thump on it.
Yes, of course. 🙂 I’ve already had him pacing instead of sitting. He was slumped on that bench, and I’ll try dropping him onto it, too. This “forward view” into the story is only two paragraphs. Once I have it the way I want, I think everything else will start to flow well.
I hate those fiddly sentences. Whenever my beta-readers fuss with them I want to send them cookies.
Of course just being in cold, windy Chicago in the winter can be depressing for some people… 🙂
Detective Bentley is used to “lake effect” snow and winds in NE Ohio, so he can deal with the weather. 🙂 I love any big city at Christmas. I’m like a kid when it comes to holiday decorations and lights. … Now February, that’s another story.
Write on. Pace. Write some more.
I haven’t wanted to write at all. Now that I’ve wrestled with the first two paragraphs a bit, I’m ready to go! Definitely will do some pacing.
I can feel his frustration.
Thanks, Sue Ann. I appreciate your stopping by to read my six!
Oh, oh, what did Susan and Darby get into???
They went to Chicago for a cooking contest! How could they get into trouble there? 🙂
Wonderful six…you really nailed his emotions and I felt like I could see and feel the entire seen. Great ending hook too!
Thank you, Christine. This detective is a secondary character in my books, and it was fun to open with him.
I bet the bench is cold too. Ewww chilly glutes. 🙂 Very nice si.
Very funny! He usually torments Susan, and he deserves chilly glutes. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by, Elin!
sometimes it is good to have different POV I like the last line. The start and the endings are always the most difficult , and the middle too – I struggle over every letter.
I always know where I want to go, but sometimes it’s so hard to get the words to cooperate!
Very smooth. I usually write in first person as well, but you do a great job here in third. I think you’ve got it down!
Thank you, Stephanie. I don’t want to mix POV, but I thought opening the book with third would be a nice change. Thanks for stopping by!
Sounds good. Can’t wait to read more!
Thank you, Sandra!
Definitely hooked into wanting to know more!
Thank you, Vivien. I took a quick run over to your blog and stayed to read about plot holes, adorable shoes, and pasta cauliflower. 🙂 Your six was fun, and I loved the last line. Thanks for stopping by!
I know what you mean about writing in first person. It comes far more easily to me like that, but I’ve been pressing for another style. I like what you wrote though and the descriptions 🙂
It’s amazing you’ve written that many book. I’m still working on two novels off and on. Then there’s the story collection I have to tackle too. A lot on the back burner too….
I’ve tried a few short stories in third person, and I didn’t have to wrestle with them too much. If I write something other than Susan Hunter, I think I’d like to try 3rd. Kris, I was truly naive and just wrote books and published them myself. It wasn’t until I had three of them finished and published that I realized I might want to learn some of the finer points of writing. You are fortunate to have so many projects to work on!
It’s a great piece – well done. I felt the cold and the hard seat and his frustration 😀
Thank you, Dianne. I can’t believe I tweaked it a little again, and he is now pacing in the precinct, but I really like trying a change of POV to start this book. Thanks for reading my six!
I like this. I felt I was right there in the police station. It flowed nicely!
Thank you, Carrie. I appreciate the comment!
I see a mix of comments here, but I think that this has good tension and draws the reader’s interest. I’m curious to know how Darby and Susan got into this mess. Great six Maddie, and thank for stopping by my site.
You’re welcome, Frank. It’s a different way for me to start a book. I don’t think I’ve used very good hooks in the past. Thanks for your comment!