Utilizing the wafting odor of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, I lured my favorite interviewer to our deck for a chat. We’re settled now with our milk and cookies, and he is agreeable to the interview, but, as usual, he begs to remain anonymous.
Cranky Interviewer: Where have you been? You wrote five books last year, but I didn’t hear a peep out of you this year. I thought maybe you’d finally given up that fanciful illusion of becoming a writer.
Me: Sorry for your luck. I was busy planning and plotting my next move – in addition to other things. Glad to know you missed me.
C.I: I wouldn’t go that far. Let’s get down to it. I don’t have all day. I assume I’m here because you’ve written another book. A Susan Hunter book?
Me: Yes. No. I mean, no, it’s not a Susan Hunter book. I started a new series – Two Sisters and a Journalist.
C.I: That’s kinky. Did you switch to writing erotica?
Me: No! You’re showing your pervy side again. My writing is still pretty squeaky clean.
C.I.: Ok. Don’t get your knickers in a twist. What’s the series about?
Me: The main character is Jo Ravens. She has a knack for stumbling upon dead bodies. In this first book, she finds a murdered girl in a construction site and attempts to solve the murder with the help of her sister and their journalist friend.
C.I.: Ok, sounds simple enough. Did you finally learn your lesson about beginning, middle, and end when writing?
Me: I never had it wrong. You simply didn’t appreciate my creativity. You will be happy to know this book has only one of each.
C.I.: I’m almost afraid to ask, but my fans would never forgive me if I don’t. How many exclamation points?
C.I.: I don’t believe it! I think that’s a record low for you. Go count them again.
Me: No. There really are only forty-six. I could have dialed them back more, but I like them. I might even add a few to bring the count up to an even fifty.
C.I.: You’ll never be famous, you know. You really should learn more about writing.
Me: Fame is overrated, and I like figuring it out as I go. Next question.
C.I.: Does this Jo character cry a lot like Susan?
Me: Not a bit. There is no crying in this book. Everyone is happy, happy.
C.I.: I get it. I get it. You watch Duck Dynasty. Is there any humor in the book?
Me: Of course. I like writing lighter fare and hope to impart a few laughs along the way. The cast of characters in this book are earthier than Susan and her associates. There’s a bit of bathroom humor in the story.
C.I.: You’ve gone off the deep end, you know. What possessed you to go in that direction?
Me: Well, for starters, I want this series to be completely different from my Susan Hunter books, and we all know Susan wouldn’t pass gas in front of herself let alone someone else. Plus, I grew up with three brothers, and even though we’re all adults over forty, there are still whoopee cushions at our family gatherings. I wrote real life situations into the book.
C.I.: You’re hopeless. I don’t know why I keep coming back here. Does this book have a title?
Me: Of course. Murder Under Construction.
C.I.: Is the cover pink?
Me: Nope. Not a pink thing in sight.
C.I.: I’ll believe it when I see it. When will this stunning piece of literature be available?
Me: I’ll be writing the second book in the series for National Novel Writing Month in November, so my plan is to publish both books at the same time in December.
C.I.: That’s pretty ambitious for someone who hasn’t accomplished much of anything so far this year.
Me: You’re telling me. I plan to publish the next Susan Hunter book in December, too. Might as well finish the year with a bang!
C.I.: What’s on the agenda for next year? And do you think you could find someone else to do these interviews?
Me: I have fantastic plans for 2014. Susan Hunter just might meet two sisters and a journalist. But that’s a secret so don’t tell anyone.
C.I.: That’s it! You’re officially crazy, and I’m leaving. Thanks for the cookies, but I’m begging you, please do not call me in the future. I have a reputation to protect.
Me: Ok. Thanks for chatting! Toodles!!
My very first book interview was with the Cranky Interviewer in September of 2012. You can read it here. He also interviewed me last November after I wrote Sin City Hunter for National Novel Writing Month. You can read that interview here. If you would like to get in touch with him for an interview of your own, you can reach him by calling BR5-49.